It has to be...

I was tell you last night, that what I'm going though has to be just a phase. I'm not of sound mind that it has be. I mean the reason I think this is, because I can't live this bull shit life that lays before me with little or no hope. If I did that, then why the fuck would I want to go on. Now no I'm not thinking about killing my self. I'm far far from that. To kill ones self is just a wast of a damn good life, no matter who it is. That is the way I feel about that. Back on track. I mean to live my life in what I'm calling my BS phase, or emo phase, which ever one I feel like, let's go with emo phase, I like that one better. I mean either I'm growing up and starting to challenge the social norms that have bind my life together for so long, or it's just a phase. I hope it's just a phase, because I know whats right and wrong, but yet even what I know to be that, I'm challenging that. I don't know why that is. Is this good vs evil struggle with in me. And if you ask all that is around right not f'in evil is winning. Is he wining or am I letting him win, because I like the dark side. The dark side seems so much better, so much cooler. Now I'm talking about doing drugs or anything, just some of the ways a shape my life and the way that I think. I know this is making little or seen to you as you read this, but as I'm typing this I'm trying to ponder, what the hell is going on inside me right now. I know that I'm a good 'man'. I have been my life, I love Jesus and serving Jesus, but I don't know if that is all there is any more. Life when you get out in this big fucken world which I'm starting too more and more. Is well full of shit and a lot of. I know that I have to love and care for everyone, but I mean everyone, come on now. The big mean full of shit real world is not so cut and dry. I don't know I hope it's just my emo phase but maybe it's not. I mean this summer most of my close friends will be going away, to do there summer thing. Mission trips, going home to work a summer job, and all that. I will be here alone with me and the bull shit that I'm going through right now. That is wPublish Posthen I will learn if it's my emo phase. Or if I starting to grow up and find out that we live in one fucked up world!